Penny turned 6 months old..... 2 weeks ago. Sometimes I wonder if she will think I loved her less when she looks at this blog one days and sees my posts about her are much less involved than Lily's when she was a baby. But then I sweep that from my mind, because I know no one could every believe that.
I have struggled lately with being a good mom and wife. This is the second hardest period of my life, and I have been leaning on Clay HEAVILY. He has grown by leaps and bounds in his faith in the last 3 years, and has become such a good leader for our family. He helps me to remember to keep my eyes on Jesus.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
10
If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
11
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
12
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
I have felt so weak in the last 6 months, and that has been such a strange experience for me. The girl who was valedictorian, captain of the volleyball team, president of her class - I'm not trying to boast, but I have a history of feeling like I can conquer anything, like I can keep a million balls in the air at once. And you know what that means: I have a long history of relying on MYSELF. Lately I have felt so much like a failure.
But in a discussion about blessings the other day, I started to think about a few things. One of my biggest blessings through this has been how it has reshaped my marriage. I feel like God is rewiring me to love my husband better, to rely on him above other humans, to respect him more.
He has also been teaching me to rely on HIM more - above all else.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
One of the more minor things that is making this period of life difficult is my job. We have lost some employees and we have hard deadlines, so that means more work for those of us that remain. And when you are in a certain position, everyone expects more from you and that you will work more hours.
But, I'm a mom.
I have never been willing to take sick days, except in the most extreme of conditions. Time off is saved for time with my girls, and I just have to tough it out, like every other mom.
It's the same with overtime - I'm not willing to sacrifice time with my girls. That means for weeks I am working late and sacrificing sleep.
This, too, has in a weird way become a blessing. I feel like I am focusing more on them. Even though I have pushed my work back to the late evenings, it has somehow made me even more cognizant of how precious the time I have with them is.
But, moving on to Penny.
She is wonderful and beautiful.
Her smile lights up a room - when she is willing to give it. She has such serious eyebrows. I'm sure she will be a thinker.
She is moving around way too much right now. She was on her hands and feet on the floor last night, kind of like a frog, but then started crying because she couldn't figure out where to go from there. I really hope she is just joking with us, because early crawling will be too much for me. The two teeth she sprouted last week nearly sent me over the brink. I need her to stay little forever.
She's got sister's hair!
Yummy steak.
Apples.
I just love that face.
My girls's smiles always make me think of this verse:
When I smiled at them, they scarcely believed it; the light of my face was precious to them.
Job 29:24
I always wonder what she is thinking about.
This girl is a big time tummy sleeper. If I try to put her down on her back, she either flails like a flipped turtle, or rolls over immediately on her own. But, the other day I caught her in this position, and thought it was funny :)
Clay and I have started email addresses for both girls so that we can send them messages as they grow up. Not sure at what age we will actually let them read them yet. He is thinking 18. I am thinking maybe when they have their first child. We'll probably wing it.
I love these girls :)
