Thoughts Before Mother's Day

Life is hard. For everyone.

It's hard for people who are single, people who are married, people who are parents, and people who are childless. It's hard for men, it's hard for women, and it can be hard no matter what your age. We all have our own struggles.

We all know that, but it is still talked about incessantly.

Mother's Day is Sunday, and everything I see about motherhood contains a caveat. The most recent article I saw called out to mothers who are so weary. You know who's weary? My husband who is currently trying to do the work of 2 people at his job, my boss who works737481374 hours a week, my dad, who just started a new job and is still recovering from surgery, but is currently living alone with no one to lean on - none of those 3 people are mothers, but they are no less weary.

I know that motherhood can be tiring. I know that it can be hard. I know that there have been days when I felt like a massive failure as a mother. And I sometimes confide those struggles with my friends.

What I can't handle is when the difficulty of motherhood becomes the highlight of most of the conversations we have about it. Or even if it's not the highlight, even if it's just something we slide subtly in every time we talk about it.

The holiday’s sole purpose is to celebrate motherhood, but we are instead talking about all the difficulties that come with it.

"Motherhood is wonderful, a lot of work, but wonderful."

"I'm tired and haven't taken a shower in a week, but I wouldn't trade being a mom for anything."

These are the kinds of things I hear constantly these days. Seems harmless, right? But, there is ALWAYS a caveat. Where is the article, or the blog, or the facebook post about how amazing motherhood is...period? Why do we always have to drag in the hard parts, too?

My favorite quote I saw yesterday was:

"Complaining may let you blow off some steam, but it easily burns those around you."

-Jennifer Thorn

I wonder why I rarely hear a girl say that when she grows up she wants to be a stay at home mom. I wonder why the population in America is declining, because people are no longer having as many babies. I wonder why young women are choosing not to start families at all. Could it be all the negative stuff they hear?

We think we are standing together in solidarity, talking about how hard the day was, or what mischief the kids got in. I think maybe we are just complaining, and burning each other in the process.

 And you know what, it's not Biblical.

Philippians 2:14a

“Do EVERYTHING without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you.”

1 Peter 4:9

“Show hospitality to one another WITHOUT GRUMBLING.”

What if we applied this to mothering? What if we took care of all of the kids’ messes with grace, instead of talking about how hard it is?

James 1:2-4

COUNT IT ALL JOY, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Romans 12:12

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Numbers 11:1-2

“And the people complained in the hearing of the Lord about their misfortunes, and when the Lord heard it, his anger was kindled, and the fire of the Lord burned among them and consumed some outlying parts of the camp. Then the people cried out to Moses, and Moses prayed to the Lord, and the fire died down.”

I don't want God to hear me grumble about my misfortunes. Apparently that makes Him pretty angry.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

“Give thanks in ALL circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

Phil. 4:8-9

 “Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious – the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse… Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.”

I love this version from The Message - focus on the BEST, not the WORST.

Matt 12:36

 “I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak.”

That one is tough. When I confide to a friend that I am tired and need encouragement then that has a purpose. She can encourage me, but then if she's a true Christian friend, I better get ready for her to remind me that I need to be focusing on Jesus and my mission as a mother, and that I need to focus on the joy in that, and give my concerns to God. When we gab together about all the stuff that is so hard and then we just wallow in it instead of redirecting ourselves, then those are careless words. They have no purpose, except to make us feel validated about our negative feelings.

Psalm 34:5

"Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy;

no shadow of shame will darken their faces."

I want to be radiant with joy. When I struggle, I want to go first to Jesus. That's so hard. My nature is to go first to friends and spill it all and whine. If I just went first to Jesus, I could be radiant with joy.

Philippians 4:4-9, 12-13

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

I know that was my third time to quote this passage in Philippians, but who doesn’t love Philippians??? Paul WAS IN PRISON. And what does he tell us? To always rejoice, even in trials, to not be anxious, to present requests to God with THANKSGIVING, to be CONTENT in everything because God can accomplish anything through us, to focus on positive things. This was a man who knew weariness, who new struggle, who knew persecution – we could learn a lot from him.

As a mother, I have a unique opportunity to show Christ’s love and grace to the little people in my care. Cleaning up messes, sometimes over and over – isn’t that what Christ does for us? How dare we complain?

“Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.”

That’s what I want my kids to see. A mother who did her work joyfully, and who wasn’t frustrated or frazzled, but who was gentle with them in everything.

What if when they grow up they look at everything I have written in this digital age, because they will, and what they see is me constantly talking about how hard motherhood was? When you tell someone you love them, but… and then you list one of their mistakes, what do they focus on? I hope my kids won’t see tons of talk about how difficult it was. I hope they see tons of talk about how much I enjoyed and cherished every minute.

So, yeah, I’m a sinner. I’m far from perfect. I’m going to get frazzled, and I’m going to mess up, and I’m going to grumble. But hopefully it will be few and far between. I don’t want to look like me, the sinner. I want to look like Jesus. I don’t want to look at the reality of who I am and find solidarity in my struggles with other mothers. For me, “being real” isn’t something to be proud of. The reality of who I am is deserving of hell. I want to break free from that and be more like Jesus.

So on Mother’s Day, I want to focus on loving my children selflessly, meaning with no worry about what the cost may be for me, because the cost for Jesus was a whole lot more.